With the sun in Your Eyes
by slowlylove
Summary: Just a short story, a letter from Riku to Sora I guess. It's sad, so if you only like fluff do not come here! RxS


Ok, well I wrote this a long time ago and submitted it (with different names) in my English class... so I figured I might as well see if anyone has some feedback for it. Please be nice...? Enjoy!

**With the Sun in Your Eyes**

We used to come this way every week, just you and I, walking along this street. With the sun in your eyes, and the moon in the sky. Sometimes it rained, and you would put your arm around me, and I would rest my head in the softness of your warm neck. With these bright lamps, and the trees that shade the path. I always watched the patterns their shadows made cross your face as we walked, and you never even noticed. You just looked straight ahead. That's how it was with us; I was always looking at you, Sora, and you were always looking straight ahead.

By the time I married your her I already loved you. Everybody knew we were best friends. We were best friends before I even started dating her. I thought I loved her at first. I thought so, because it seemed right. It was because she was perfect, and because you were married, and because she loved me. Then there was that night, and I realised I was wrong. You were lying there, by the piano, and I was sitting there with my hands hovering above the black and white. I was looking past the keys, at your face. Your eyebrows were narrowed the way they always were when you were thinking.

"What do you think I'm going to do?" you had asked me, and I had just looked at you. I didn't know what to say to that, but I felt my breath catch in my throat, like something was going to happen. You looked at me with wide eyes, blue and childlike, and you said, "Other things are waiting for me." Then you had looked away. It was like you weren't even waiting for me to say anything anymore; you had retreated to your own thoughts again. You always were so adamant in the perception that your life had so much more impending. You thought that I never understood the same things as you, but I do. I was still looking at you. It was like there was something clicking in my head, some sort of incredible machinery whirring and struggling to get its result. I still didn't quite know what that was, though.

"Don't you ever wonder what you're looking for?" I asked, and your eyes flickered back to me. You had just smiled and stood up. You put your arm around my shoulders and laughed softly, as if I had said something sweet and ignorant. Maybe it had been. I didn't know, and so I didn't say anything else. I could feel your chest rising by my face, and your head was lying softly on mine. Wisps of your brown hair were mingled with the contrast of my silvery hair. I could see its ruffled tips jutting by my eyes, and as I took in the simplicities of your body, the contraption in my head hummed as if it were working at its best, so that it was all I could hear. My heart was beating faster than I could bear, and holding on to you was all I could do not to shake uncontrollably. It was then that I realised I loved you.

Still, after all I could think about was you, after every word reverberated with your name, I kept up the charade. She proposed to me, and I was so blind by my own needs to keep everything the same, to keep my shame to myself, that I said yes. I still remember your face when we had told you. You had looked at me, your eyes had shot through mine, and you had smiled. A smile that teased me, that smirked at me, that was on the verge of laughing at me, because you knew something. Then you had looked at your wife, and watched her fling her arms around her and I both. You gazed into my eyes over her shoulder, expressionless, and I let a tear fall down my cheek. You had looked away as if you didn't notice, and didn't look at me again for the whole night.

I remember the day you told me you were sick. You had driven to see me at work, and my heart stopped when I saw you walk through the door. Your eyes were so hollow, and you looked so young. You were like I had never seen you before, Sora. I had stood up and walked to you as fast as I could, and you had sat me down. You had told me it couldn't wait until I got home, because I had to know now. Then you had told me. I thought I was going to throw up. I had to hold on to you, because I didn't want to let you drift away. I clung to you, and you clung to me, as if it would keep us together. As if we could hold each other for so long that eventually nothing could break us apart. We both knew it wasn't true though, and it was that knowledge that kept my face white all those months. It was that knowledge that kept me up at night, while I lay next to my wife, wishing it was you beside me. That knowledge destroyed my need to do anything. I only ate enough to live, and I only felt compelled to live because I knew it was such precious time I had left with you. I felt like I was dying with you.

I almost told you I loved you. We were on this same street we had walked a thousand times. As I watched the slivers of moonlight pass over your face for the millionth time, my heart sank. I remembered the hope you always had. That had been such a big part of you, and now you had none left. Your face was sunken and dulled; your cheeks were no longer rosy. The hope had left you, and now you were empty, and so was I. The sun was still in your eyes, though. _Don't you ever wonder what you're looking for?_ I remembered when things were simple, and stared at your unspeaking face. _Don't you ever wonder who you're looking for, because you don't have me?_ You looked at me with your dry eyes, as if you could hear everything I was thinking. You had cried so much that your face looked worn and drained, and your eyes were sunken and disheartened as they pried into mine, as if trying to get through to my thoughts. You stopped walking, and I slowed beside you. You were just looking at me as if urging me to finally tell you, and it was like everything had slowed down. You were waiting for something, but I just looked at you. I almost told you, but then I looked away, and it had gone.

"I'll see you tomorrow," I had said, and you had given me the only feeble kind of smile you were capable of. Then you had hugged me, and I felt like a failure for missing that window to the truth between you and I. As it turns out, it was the very last window I would ever get. We broke apart, and went our separate ways, and in the morning you were gone.

I only ever saw you once more. Your eyes were closed, and your face was still warm when I brushed your hair from your forehead. 'Wake up, Sora, for me. Wake up, and tell me it's alright,' I had thought in an exhausted desperation as I stared at your motionless figure. I knew you never would. Your wife was sobbing beside me, and mine was holding my hand. I was too devastated to make a sound. All I could do was let the tears pour down my cheeks, and stand by your beautiful face. When the time came, I didn't want to leave you. Then I realised, you weren't even there anyway. There was no more boy with the sun in his eyes.

Now I'm walking down this street again, alone. You're not here to keep me company anymore. The misplaced rain in this Spring heat is bearing down, and I can feel the wetness beneath my lonely, echoing soles. I don't have any other chances to tell you how I feel. The sun burns on me from the corner of a cloud, like a sour memory of you, and I just feel empty. It's eerie to be walking along here in the light of day, and without you. It's as if everything has turned around on me, and I'm stuck in a world I don't know, and never even want to understand. I've fallen by the wayside now, because you can't catch me like you always used to. It won't be long, though, Sora. I'll follow you down. So far down I can't pull up. Then you'll follow me back with the sun in your eyes.


End file.
